The Top 7 Dreamiest, Extremely Old Men

Often referred to as ‘silver foxes’ or ‘dad or shags’, older men are a thing of beauty. Increasingly, young women like myself are fetishising them, and every single women’s magazine tells us that we’ve gotta give one a whirl!

During my “research” for this blog, I looked into women’s preoccupation with significantly older blokes. Discovering smutty novels entitled “Nikolai: Her Russian Protector” and “Her Guardian Neighbour” support this. Heh, us women in our twenties . . . perverts.

Older men are generally more chilled, have better taste, they can iron better than we can and can fix us a refined cocktail (but ONLY after work on Friday).

Presumably then, logic dictates that the older the man, THE HOTTER THEY ARE.

Feel no shame, granddad-botherers! Put on your beige-est trousers and warm up an Ovaltine, ‘cuz here are my top seven dreamiest, extremely old men!

1) Danny Trejo (73)

A lot of my mates look at me like I’ve gone soft when I fawn over Mr. Trejo. However, plenty of people agree with me! Danny won “Sexiest Actor Alive” in both 2017 AND 2018!

He’s just so, dangerous. He generally plays badasses, as seen in Machete, Heat and (my personal favourite) Sons of Anarchy as Romeo Parada, high ranking member of the Galindo drug cartel.

For an old boy, he’s still mega brawny, well-muscled, great tattoos and has shiny, long hair! He’s even got you covered if you get a little peckish after a roll in the hay. He runs Trejos Tacos, an ethical food service with an amazing menu!

2) Vincent Price (82)

Oh, Vincent. R.I.P. Any goth girl worth her salt will have a soft spot for creepy skin bag, Mr. Price. Hammer Horror defined the genre in Britain, with classics such as Dracula, The Curse of Frankenstein and The Mummy. Vincent Price was arguably the face of this huge cultural institution, and was incredibly popular because of his sinister, over the top performances and exquisite voice.

He was also exceedingly debonair, followed by consistent plumes of cigarette smoke and with a fantastically dapper style.

He supported artsy, independent films, and was the booming, commanding voice in Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

3) James Earl Jones (87)

Okay, this one is pretty easy. HE WAS THE VOICE OF MUFASA. He was also Darth Vader’s voice, and I defy you to find two men more focused in their goals.

His eyes are also beautiful! He’s got gorgeous, deep skin but his eyes are navy blue! So lovely.

He’s also mega cultured. He’s a Shakespeare virtuoso, having performed Othello, King Lear, Hamlet and a Midsummer Night’s Dream on stage, amongst many others.

4) Colin Firth (57)

Not mega old, but this one is significant because I used to screw my face up and tell my mum how bland and awful I thought he was. He just looked like standard dad-man to me as a tween, but re-watching Bridget Jones as an adult had me dry-mouthed and flushed.

As Mark Darcy, he’s thoughtful and polite but isn’t a pushover, and he’s deadly in Kingsman! From interviews, two quotes stand out:

• “I think it’s quite extraordinary that people cast me as if I’m Warren Beatty. Until I met my present wife, at the age of thirty-five, you could name two girlfriends.” Aw.
• “I absolutely don’t care about my looks and I’m so used to them that I wouldn’t change a thing. I would end up missing my defects.” Body positive AND low maintenance!

Also, the combination of his crinkly smile and perfect RP? *Bites knuckles.*

5) Anthony Hopkins (80)

Just LOOK at those eyes. God damn. Anthony Hopkins is Welsh (like me, squee!) which carries huge bonus points, particularly given that he’s retained his accent. He’s menacing even in real life, although a perfect gentleman.

He’s still producing exquisite performances; he’s eighty years old and yet he dominates in films as much as he did as Hannibal Lecter.

6) Tom Selleck (72)

In all honesty, Tom Selleck shouldn’t really be on this list. His moustache should. I’m re-watching Friends at the moment (SO much to say about that) and I found myself all flustered over tall, mustachioed Richard with his broad shoulders and mahoosive arms.

If Monica was cool with the massive age gap, so am I.

7) Father Christmas (931)

Move over girls, the man in red is mine. Sure, he’s over a millennium old, but he still has the stamina to stay up all night, if you know what I mean!

He’s appreciative when you make an effort to bake homemade treats yourself, keeps you super accountable for your behaviour by checking if you’re naughty or nice, and spoils you rotten! He might not be around so much, but that means you have creative control over the Netflix watchlist, and you can starfish in bed!

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Who are your favourite wrinkly, old sons of bitches? I love me an old man; tell me about yours!

Love and strength,

Steph
xo